


The Red Heir of Slytherin

by Sarah1281



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, old fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 05:28:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4693793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarah1281/pseuds/Sarah1281
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ron and Hermione's trip to the Chamber of Secrets, where Ron gets over his inferiority complex and Hermione discovers that anyone can speak Parseltongue if they're unobservant enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Red Heir of Slytherin

"Right, then feel free to just ditch us and go sneak into the Ravenclaw common room!" Ron fumed as Luna and Harry snuck out of the Room of Requirements and into the hallway. "He's SO been wanting to do that since 3rd year."

"At least he isn't ditching us to go make out or something," Hermione tried to reassure him. "Unlike 3rd year."

"Yeah, because Ginny stopped him from going with Cho! Nice thinking, by the way. If you hadn't, he wouldn't be back for hours!" Ron laid a hand on his sister's shoulder and appeared not to notice the slightly nauseous expression on her face.

"Speaking of ditching, what were you guys doing for the past year or so while we were waging war on the Death Eaters and getting tortured and kidnapped sporadically?" Neville asked casually.

"Well, we were-" Hermione began.

"No, 'Mione!" Ron interrupted, clapping a hand over her mouth.

She glared daggers at him while Ginny raised her eyebrows. "'Mione? You have a pet name for her? Does that mean you're finally going out?"

Ron blushed. "Uh, no, actually…"

She blinked. "Wait, wait, wait. You're telling me you were alone together with her for amost a year and you never got around to asking her out?"

"But we weren't alone! Harry was there!"

"He is the most unobservant person I have ever met," Ginny told him.

"Hey! I was busy!" Ron protested.

"Doing what?" Ginny demanded.

"Well-" Ron trailed off lamely.

"Yeah, Harry said you lot just wandered around camping out and failing miserably to control your hormones," Dean Thomas spoke up.

"We also broke into Gringotts," Ron reminded them. "Something no one but You-Know-Who himself has ever done. And we, unlike him, got what we were looking for! And we escaped on a dragon!" He looked as though he was hoping that the mere mention of their more public daring exploits would be enough to distract them. No such luck.

"Yeah, but you only started planning that around Easter, when you met that Goblin," Dean pointed out.

"Yeah, but Harry said not to talk about what we were doing," Ron looked pointedly at Hermione.

"Honestly, Ronald. If we're here for the last one and You-Know-Who already knows we're after them and so is probably on his way here, why not tell them?" Hermione sounded exasperated.

"You-Know-Who is coming? Does that mean we're fighting after all?" Seamus asked, but the two ignored him.

"I, er…You know what, what are we standing around for?"

"Um, what else would we be doing? We're waiting for Harry."

"We're always waiting for him! Let's go off and do something ourselves for once!"

"Like?"

"Like…like…the cup!" Ron cried in a sudden burst of inspiration.

"The cup?"

"Yes, we still haven't destroyed it."

"Well, we haven't exactly had time-"

"Exactly! Let's do it now!"

"How? Harry said Griphook got the sword."

"Harry, Harry, Harry!" Ron said, reminding Hermione irresistibly of Jan Brady. "I'm just as capable as he is!"

"Uh, we know, Ron," Hermione said, backing away. "But how-"

"I don't know! I'll think of something!" With that, Ron grabbed Hermione's hand and pulled her out of the Room of Requirements and down the halls.

"Where are we going?" Hermione asked after about ten minutes, figuring she had given Ron plenty of time to calm down and resolving, one way or another, to get her unofficial boyfriend over his inferiority complex.

"I don't know, let me think…Think! That's it!" he said, stopping in front of a bathroom.

"Uh, Ron, perhaps now's not the best time…And that's a girls bathroom…"

"No, this is Myrtle's bathroom, come one!" he charged in and, sighing heavily, Hermione followed him.

""Myrtle's bathroom IS a girls bathroom, you know. Or, at least it's supposed to be. She keeps most people out…And you do all your thinking in the bathroom? I really shouldn't be so surprised; that explains a lot."

Ron rolled his eyes. "The sword destroyed the locket because the Goblins used Basilisk Venom on it, right?"

"Yes…" Hermione didn't know where he was going with this.

"So, if we go and get a Basilisk fang, we should be able to get rid of not only the cup, but that thing of Ravenclaw's, and maybe Nagini as well!" Ron's face was triumphant.

"Oh, the Chamber of Secrets!" Considering she had been petrified when Harry and Ron had went in their second year, it was really not surprising she had failed to make the connection before. We can do what Harry did to the diary!"

Ron twitched. "Yes. Exactly what Harry did."

Hermione groaned inwardly. Right, the Harry Complex. The reason he had ditched them that winter. "Well, that's a great idea, but don't you have to be able to speak to snakes or something of that sort to get in?"

Ron thrust his chin out defiantly. "Harry got in."

"Harry can speak to snakes."

"How hard can it be?"

"There are only two known wizards who can speak Parseltongue!"

"Because no one who isn't related to Slytherin has ever tried!"

"Harry did."

"He didn't know he was supposed to be related to Slytherin."

"But Ron, you can't understand snakes and they can!"

"So they claim. And besides, you don't have to be able to understand a language in order to speak it."

"Well, it certainly helps."

"Nonsense. I speak French all the time and I have no idea what I'm saying."

Hermione, who happened to be fluent in French, winced. "I know."

"Great! I'll have this open in no time!" he went over to the sink and started to hiss.

"Grajingo."

The tap-snake stirred faintly. Sounded like Parseltongue, but he couldn't understand it. "But this means nothing…"

Hermione looked shocked. "It…answered…"

Ron rolled his eyes again. "Of course I did. I'm speaking Parseltongue."

"But what are you saying?"

Ron shrugged. "Damned if I know. I don't understand Parseltongue, remember?"

"Well…Try again! See if it'll open," Hermione suggested.

"Okay, um…That's what she said."

Now the tap-snake was confused. "That's what who said?"

"Your mom."

The tap-snakes' emerald eyes began to glow in anger. "What did you say about my mother?"

"Oh, Ron! I think it's working!"

"Yeah, I'm getting close, I can feel it!" Ron concentrated before hissing out. "You heard me. Open."

"You did it!" Hermione threw her arms around Ron, who looked quite pleased with himself.

"Yeah, I did. Er, shall we?" he gestured awkwardly towards the hole.

"Of, of course," Hermione said, heading through it.

Ron quickly followed suit and the tap-snake hissed, "You'd better run…"

"See, that wasn't so hard," Ron told Hermione confidently as they walked along, searching for the Basilisk's corpse.

"It took you four tries," Hermione reminded him.

"Considering I had no idea what I was saying, that's pretty good," Ron defended.

"True. Hey, is that it?" she pointed up ahead.

He shrugged. "Dunno, I don't think I actually ever saw it. Burt what else could it be?"

As they got close, they could tell it was definitely the from of a giant snake. As Hermione began removing the fangs, she asked, "How many do you think we'll need?"

"Better get all of them to be on the safe side."

"The safe side? These are highly toxic."

"So we'll be careful. And I call dibs on not stabbing the cup."

"Huh? How come?"

"You'll see what I mean. I already had to deal with the locket. Now it's your turn."

"Fine, fine…" Hermione picked up a fang and placed the cup on the ground directly in front of her. As she was about to stab it, though, two voices demanded her attention.

"Don't destroy me! You need me!" the Horcrux screamed.

"Why would I need you?" Hermione asked.

"Now that I think about it, it's easier than it looks. Speaking Parseltongue, that is," Ron remarked.

"Uh-huh," Hermione said distractedly.

"Any worthwhile pursuit requires at least a handful of NEWTs. How well do you think you'll do, after traipsing around the country during you're seventh year?" the Cup asked logically.

"But how could you help?" Hermione inquired.

"And Harry and You-Know-Who try and make it sound like it's so special that they can talk to snakes and understand them, too," Ron muttered, clearly jealous.

"Yeah, it does sound pretty cool, Ron," Hermione agreed.

"I know where to find the Lost Diadem of Ravenclaw," the Horcrux revealed.

"Isn't that a Horcrux, though?" Hermione asked suspiciously.

"But it's not. I mean, we don't even know that they CAN talk to snakes. None of us can, so for all we know, they've been making it all up. And why would I want to talk to snakes anyway? They shed all over the place. Like Crookshanks. That reminds me, where is Crookshanks?" Ron asked suddenly.

"In Australia, with Wendell and Monica Wilkins," Hermione said, a bit dizzy from trying to keep up with two conversations at once.

"Hermione!"

"Hermione!"

"AAAAAAAAH!" Hermione screamed and jammed the fang in her fist into the closest thing to her-the cup.

With a horrible scream, the Horcrux was gone.

"Stop it! You're just as good as Harry is! He may be famous, but he had a horrible childhood and has Death Eaters constantly out to kill him! It evens out! So quit complaining before I stab you with this."

"Uh…let's just go find Harry, then…"

\--

"Wait, wait, wait…So You-Know-Who thought he was the ONLY person to find the Room of Requirements? Ever?" Ron asked, shocked, as they made their way back to the Room of Requirements, having finally found Harry.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"What an idiot."

Hermione nodded. "Yes, I could see how he could believe he was the only one to find it during his time, but ever?"

"Yeah. Didn't he wonder where all the other stuff in there came from?"

Hermione shook her head. "Not necessarily, Ron. He could have assumed they were there since the creation of the room."

"True, but then what about the things added between his time at school and his job interview?" Harry asked.

"Maybe he's not very observant. He speaks Parseltongue, after all."

Harry looked confused. "What does speaking Parseltongue have to do with being unobservant."

"Well, you're unobservant and you speak Parseltongue, maybe it's a common theme," Ron suggested.

"Am I? I hadn't noticed."

Hermione had to fight to keep from rolling her eyes. "Obviously."

"And besides," Ron added. "You look ridiculous hissing, so anyone who does it on a regular basis just can't be very observant."

"Hey, at least it didn't take me three years to realize a girl liked me!" Harry defended.

"No," Hermione agreed. "It took four."

"Huh? Really? Who?" Harry asked.

Maybe, Hermione conceded, Ron had a point. There was no other way to explain just how oblivious people who spoke Parseltongue could be. Harry didn't notice Ginny for years, and Voldemort completely forgot that Phoenix tears have healing properties, something most muggles could tell you. And Ron…

Yes, thinking about it, she never should have doubted his ability to get into the Chamber.


End file.
